Holding Onto Eternal Fear
by M. L. Chi
Summary: Sesshomaru was a monster, one of the cruelest variety... and Rin was about to marry him.


**Warning! Dark content ahead. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

The fear she had felt then would be eternal. That night as he ran his hands down her body even though she told him no. That night as he'd penetrated every possible place he could and used it to take his pleasure from. That night as he took what was precious to her, the only thing she had to have: her virginity. And the entire time he'd done it, he made her watch. He dig his nails into her sides until she bled if she looked away.

Morning came, she acted as though her entire body didn't ache and that the night before had been full of blood and the stuff of nightmares. She thought it was, she thought that hell she'd faced was over and the sea would be much smoother for sailing. That was until her mother showed her the man she was to marry.

He didn't smile, his lips didn't turn upward in a smirk and her horrified reaction. He acted as if he hadn't caused her hell the night before. He acted like a perfect gentleman. He even only looked at her curves once. It made her wonder if maybe this man had a twin and his twin had been the one to cause her hell.

"I'll leave you to alone to get acquainted." With that, Rin's mother left her alone with the man. Rin sat across her family's tiny table from, the Mr. Sesshomaru Akurua. She'd didn't pay attention to the fact that she was sitting somewhere she wasn't ever allowed to sit. She ignored the fact that the family table was meant for the father, mother and sons and that daughters were forced to eat in the corner. No, the images of the night before filled her mind to the brim, scaring away any other thought she could possibly entertain.

"The marriages takes place in three days. I hope you let go of these things by then." Nope, Mr. Sesshomaru Akurua was indeed the man from last night. He didn't have some evil twin, it was just him. He was the one that caused her hell.

"Why?"

"Because you were mine. There is no way that in three days you can make you family reject my offer. I'm rich, just the perfect in-law to brag about and even if you told them about last night, they'd either a) not believe you or b) be that much more eager for it to take place." Now his lips twitched up slightly. Now he was the monster she remember from the evening before.

"You monster!" He said nothing, adding to the unease within the room. Whatever was brewing in those golden eyes, had to be evil, there was just not other thing that could be contained in those pools of hardened gold.

"Well then, if I am Mr. Monster, would that make you Mrs. Monster?"

"No, I rather die than marry you!"

"Such defiance. I'll make sure you learn your place when you become my wife." Mr. Sesshomaru checked his watch then. "Well, it appears it's time for me to take my leave. I will see you in three days, until then, have a good time." His words said he wasn't going to return but his eyes spoke the exact opposite. They said he'd be back for round two that evening.

* * *

And he did come back that evening. And he raped her again as well. This time though, he held her as she wept. Hopefully he knew that trying to comfort her wasn't going to get him anywhere.

* * *

The wedding came and went. It was a small one, her mother and his mother being the only others in the room beside the priest, Sesshomaru and Rin. As soon as it was over, Rin was shoved in Sesshomaru's car and taken to her new 'home'.

Rin wasn't surprised that when she arrived, the house felt so cold. It had become apparent in the evenings Sesshomaru had raped her that he was indeed, a lonely man. Yes, there were servants in this house and he, like many other men of the time, had multiple wives but they weren't social companions for him. They were things for him to control, things for him to take his satisfaction from through beatings and mind games.

An idea spawned after learning this. Submit to his every whim and what would he do. Sesshomaru seemed like the type to only do things if he had a reason to and if she submitted to his every whim then he had no reason to beat her or play his games with her. If this worked, she had the upper hand. Perhaps she could even change him…

* * *

It was hard submitting to his every whim. Though she was naturally submissive, he had her do some of the most cruel, vile things he could think of. She knew why too, so he could treat her like the others.

She had been right in assuming that he didn't do things if he had no reason to. He didn't beat her and he didn't mess with her head, at least in the way he did the others. Yes, he still did these things. Ordering her to eat raw, bloody meat, having her take a knife and make shallow cuts on some of his other wives, and having her invite her best friend from childhood (a young servant girl named Kaede) over and watching as he raped her (she learned later on that Sesshomaru had kept Kaede as a concubine).

However, of all of this, yes she had been desensitized from the fact that almost every evening he had sex with her though she never consented to it. Yes, she didn't scream at him to stop but she never told him that she was open to him to doing so.

* * *

Fear, panic, etc. That was she felt at that instant. Her bleeding, it was late. She knew what this typically led to: a child. She didn't want a child, not if the father was Sesshomaru at least. He was such a messed-up person that who knew what he might do to a child, even one of his own flesh and blood.

"Rin love, is something wrong?" he asked, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her hips. He leaned in and began to nibble on her ear. Rin ignored him like she always did. She acted as if he wasn't doing what he was doing and instead, focused on the problem at hand. It was quite possible and likely, she was pregnant with this monster's off-spring.

"Sesshomaru, I believe that it is possible I am with child." Silence ensued. Horror and dread filled her as she waited for what Sesshomaru's response to her statement was. By no means had the two of them prepared for a child. Neither of them were in a proper state of mind to raise child in addition.

"I never said you could get pregnant," he whispered coldly in her ear, a smirk forming on his lips.

* * *

**AN: **I wrote this at the same time as Sakura Blossoms, this being the darker of the two as you can tell. That one was also more or less dark in its contents but not as bad as this. I know my mind is twisted but hey, that's what you get when your me. Anyways... a pet I've had for 6 1/2 years died today so it's been kinda sucky today. Reviews make me happy though... Review please?


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